fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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