you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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