i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
