he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
