she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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