u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
