he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
