his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
