Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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