The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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