He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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