One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
