420 ftw
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
