Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
