Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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