I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
