you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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