So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
