Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
