rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
