Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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