Dual....:-)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
