I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize