You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to fling myself into the sun
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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