Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
