i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
