im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
