Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
