so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
