Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
