I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
COCAINE IS GR8
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
