I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
