My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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