i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
