Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
