I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
