Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
