i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
