you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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