It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize