im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
