Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize