Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Blood and glitter go together right?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
