evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
