he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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