Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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