I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
