I love black thongs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
