I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
