My hand turned me down
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
