we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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