Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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