So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
