all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize