yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
