My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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