i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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