is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
