I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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