Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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