"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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