Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
