i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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