I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
