i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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