Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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