im having a threesome with these popsicles
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
