all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
two words...techno handjob
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
