peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
