broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize