a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
