he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i've created a new STD.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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